An unexpected “cosmic irony” prevented Hugo Gonçalves from occupying the dual roles of father and son simultaneously. Whilst his son grew, his father’s health declined, pushing Gonçalves, the recipient of the 2024 Fernando Namora Literary Prize, to introspect on the paternal lineage he inherited passively, reflecting on the traits passed down from his father and grandfather and the stance he would now adopt as a father himself.
Through his work ‘Filho do Pai,’ Gonçalves aimed to unravel these themes after visiting his ailing father during the pandemic, a man with whom he had been estranged for two years. The visit coincided with Gonçalves’ realization that he would soon be a father himself, serving as the catalyst to document these reflections.
While ‘Filho da Mãe’ explores the raw grief of a child confronted by the loss of a mother at a young age, ‘Filho do Pai’ revisits the lives and masculinity of the father and grandfather, interwoven with the author’s experiences, ultimately exploring what it means to be a man and father today. Despite exploring mourning, Gonçalves admitted in an interview that “doubts, and ambivalence on their own, also serve as answers.” He recalled, “When we are children, our parents are almost caricatures […] and as we grow, we realize they are just as fallible and fragile as we are.”
“Acknowledging this impossibility made me reflect deeply on the fatherhood I had been a passive subject of. As a son, how would I become a father? What would I inherit from my father? What did he receive from his parent?”
Six years after publishing ‘Filho da Mãe’, you return with ‘Filho do Pai’. Was it always your plan to dedicate a book to your father after his passing, or was it something that evolved from your previous work?
Given the tumultuous relationship with my father, and the storybook life he led and how it intertwined with mine, I sensed there would be a need to write about him. As stated in ‘Filho do Pai’, I didn’t anticipate writing about his death and my son’s birth. This reality struck during a visit to him amidst the pandemic. Despite the cancer diagnosis being supposedly controlled, his age prompted me to speak to him, unsure if it would be our last conversation. As I left, he handed me my birth certificate, which sparked many thoughts, leading me to write notes, not quite a diary but resembling one. When he was urgently admitted on the day I discovered I would have a son, the need to formalize these thoughts crystallized. After his passing, the realization dawned that I would never simultaneously occupy the roles of father and son. The experience reshaped my perspective on fatherhood, unveiling an inherited paternal narrative blending life and death.
“I crafted the book as a journey through fatherhood, exploring the experience of being a son while contemplating masculinity—a topic undeniably pertinent to nearly half the human race, especially in times when masculinity is being redefined.”
As previously mentioned, you found yourself in a position where your father and son occupied opposite ends of the life spectrum. How did you manage emotionally amidst such poignant moments?
In the moment, one perhaps does not dwell on such contrasts, which is why I wrote the book—as a medium to reflect on those emotions. The book contrasts these feelings of the time—immediate emotions captured in a diary-like manner—alongside reflections years after his passing, augmented by three years of my own fatherhood.
Despite limited experience—having not raised a teenager or adult—it allowed a deeper connection to my father’s experiences, fostering a bridge between our lives—the impossibility of which is inherent due to his absence post my son’s birth. Writing traversed fatherhood and sonship while probing into masculinity—a theme central to nearly half of humanity’s experience, especially amid current reevaluations.
My masculinity diverges from that of my father, with my son’s likely diverging further. Yet, polarizations have tainted masculinity’s discourse, often skewed by ideological bias. I approached this from a place of uncertainty, posing questions with the narrative, exploring answers, acknowledging occasionally they remain elusive.
Does the statement “mourning for your father was ongoing whilst he was alive” reflect reality or upheaval?
We believe we are programmed for certainty, yet during the pandemic, the uncertainties inundated us—highlighting our biological drive for certainty and control. Through turbulent dynamics with my father, psychotherapy, and personal growth, I conceded we’d never be the ideal parent-child to each other. The mourning process, unlike my mother’s sudden departure, was drawn out—her loss at my young age being much more abrupt and drastic.
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In my forties, aware of my father’s mortality, the eventuality of his death, like any close loss, pierced unprepared comprehension. Even with foresight, unexpected emotional swells emerged, underscored by the “cosmic irony” of pivotal events—a son’s significant ultrasound juxtaposed against a father’s funeral, epitomizing life’s fragile balance.
Reflecting on your last encounter with your father, when he gave you your birth certificate and a book dedicated to you—what was your interpretation?
It’s open to interpretation; the book leaves it unresolved. We can never wholly know our parents, just as our offspring may not fully know us. Offering the birth certificate, possibly viewed as a life affirmation, reflects the immutable bond between two individuals. Despite symbolic gestures, reconciliations often defy simplification. They coexisted with both love and conflict, realization shared through varied familial interactions.
“Having faced loss, I’ve learned grief lacks linearity; it doesn’t follow neat pathways. Grieving is inherently selfish and personal. While universal, each individual experiences it distinctively. The common phases—denial, anger, bargaining—often unravel in unsuspecting, untraceable ways.”
Given your father’s passing amid stringent pandemic restrictions, how did isolation affect your grieving process?
Post-visit contact soothed potential emotional unrest, albeit contrasting starkly against his steadfastness during my mother’s terminal days. Unaccompanied demise contradicts his own devotion, his presence through my mother’s ordeal, prompting anger—a phase of grief. Acceptance follows, often unexpectedly; our last conversation held a palpable finality.
Do you endorse the conventional stages of grief?
The scientific reasoning aligns but recognizes grief’s unpredictability. Discussed in ‘Filho da Mãe,’ grieving diverges from convention; it’s deeply individual, uniquely navigated despite commonality. Grief’s personal nature challenges predictability, embracing a journey beyond formulas.
“The transition of viewing parents as mere mortals challenged me. Discovering my father’s vulnerable moments late in life conjured anger towards an indifferent universe yet revises to unmask his rarely seen vulnerability.”
You mentioned that witnessing your father’s fragility conflicted with prior perceptions. How did you reconcile these emotions?
The realization of vulnerability struck unexpectedly. I hadn’t envisaged him in such moments when my brother shared tales of his sleepless, anxious nights. Resentment surfaced—why should he endure such uncertainty? However, retrospection yielded insights—his fragility mirrored human complexity, often concealed, emphasizing empathetic response over perceived strength.
Inspired by male figures like Roosevelt, the embrace of vulnerability strengthens character—a sentiment echoing in other historic anecdotes of courage blended with emotional authenticity.
Your efforts to unravel paternal complexities raise laughter. Addressing your son’s inquiry reflects raw authenticity—do you feel this encapsulates a fundamental truth about familial relationships?
It underscores an inevitable truth—we never truly grasp parents’ entirety. Yesterday I experienced similar reflections upon picturing my mother, a nostalgia bridging life and loss. The narrative exposes humor intertwined with grief—an unexpected yet integral element of life, reflected in familial reinterpretations, even amidst adversity.
“True familial understanding involves recognizing parental evolution over time. Many never discern their parents’ evolving personas, lacking acknowledgment of lived histories shaping ever-shifting identities.”
The narration abstractly conveys parenting’s complexity—parents are not static beings but evolving entities whose nuanced identities often slip past recognition till later life stages.
My father’s outdated notions failed to adjust to adult evolution, overlooking grown children’s authentic selves—identifying that void enriched familial dynamics, especially during uncertain transitions.
The narrative revisits your early loss. Reflecting on time’s passage—does mortality now assume new significance?
Involuntarily, anniversaries prompt significant reflection. A recent milestone sparked revisiting cherished memories. Typically, early lags of grief synchronize with life’s renewal, evolving into vibrant reminisces interspersed by life’s rich tapestry. Grieving is unfixed, a never-ending process marked by life’s notable intersections.
Reflective musings oft find solace in familiar eyes or whispered echoes, intangible yet ever-present. My sons’ eyes mirror ancestral connections, perpetuating love’s continuity beyond temporal confines—a legacy invariably resurfacing.
“Grief ebbs and flows, denial of closure yet inherent. Future occasions will evoke tears, testament to enduring emotional connections, etching indelible imprints on our temporal existence.”
Dialogue with my brother elucidated formative grief’s profound impact, fortifying against broader existential struggles—a recurring theme warranting acknowledgment within complexities of inherited narratives.
Paradoxically, paternal roles ease finitude’s sting, rechanneling existential apprehensions into ensuring nurturing legacies—a balancing act emphasizing generational care over self-centric reflections.
“Grasping humanity’s untapped potential connects through shared accomplishments that transcend gender—a testament to collaborative bonds forged from recognition of complementary attributes enriching human endeavors.”
Your observation on the juxtaposition of life’s routine amidst mortality underscores socio-cultural reticence towards these subjects. How can open discourse elevate societal understanding?
Dialogues of remembrance adopt distinctive cultural hues. Western paradigms confront mortality hesitantly amidst evolving norms. Societal transitions, from intimate familial end-of-life experiences to clinical detachment, reflect broader cultural discomforts.
Modern narratives, swayed by idealized happiness tropes, shun uncomfortable truths, often relegating mortality to notable exclusions. Addressing the overshadowed narrative fearing uncertainty affords holistic appreciation of life’s intricate weave.
You suggested experiencing loss shapes one’s personal narratives. Could this influence acknowledgment of mortality’s omnipresence?
Introspection amid loss transcends age-defined thresholds, recognizing mortality confronts cultural fabrications. Eschewing euphemisms refines discourse, affirming life’s finite nature amidst societal reluctance to embrace raw realities.
Considering societal transitions, how do you perceive contemporary masculinity?
Defining modern masculinity encompasses probing cultural, biological, and psychological facets underpinning prevailing narratives. Acknowledging inherent gender-linked attributes necessitates embracing nuanced complexities while confronting culture-driven influences.
Amid shifting societal landscapes, masculinity endures redefinition—recognizing complementary gender roles enriches human achievements, as symbolized by historic ventures illustrating collective endeavors transcending singular identities.
Notably, modern discourse often imprecisely frames masculinity, constricting it within polarized extremes. An informed dialogue bridges ideological divides, fostering understanding of evolving identities essential to contemporary familial dynamics.
Progress requires recognizing masculinity’s multifaceted nature, embodying both biological nuances and culturated influences deeply ingrained within societal frameworks. Contemporary narratives advocate for evolving identities, underscoring necessity for inclusive exploration of gender roles.
“Comprehending collective familial dynamics reveals capacity for inquisitive understanding beyond misplaced traditional roles—a dialogue acknowledging gender’s evolving fluidity within ever-changing societal frameworks.”
Science illuminates varied developmental trajectories underpinning gender-specific behavioral predispositions, acknowledging innate differences while emphasizing collaborative potential between genders—integral for fostering mutual inclusivity.
While acknowledging disparities, a balanced discourse navigates individualistic gender articulations, aiming to reframe masculinity within constructive paradigms fostering participation across societal spheres.
Acknowledging formative experiences challenges misconceived ideologies perpetuating conventional gender roles—deconstructing these barriers paves way for enriched cultural dialogues and nuanced comprehension of self-identities.
Recent contemplations underscore disparate generational experiences, reflecting evolving masculine perspectives. What insights arise from these contemplations?
Shifts spotlight expansive gender role redefinitions, challenging archaic frameworks historically constraining individual identities. Recognizing these shifts augments understanding of contemporary dynamics influencing masculine identities.
With regards to individual experiences, how do portrayals within ‘Rabo de Peixe’ reflect broader thematic explorations?
Incorporating personal narratives fosters broader engagement with complex themes of identity, grounding creative exploration within shared humanity, enriching relatability across diverse audiences.
What future developments anticipate reinvigoration of contemporary themes within personal explorations?
Continued narrative development engages examination of cultural evolutions; exploring colonial histories and contemporary transitions within future projects reveals enduring relevance of nuanced storytelling.
Focused initiatives integrating emotive storytelling with personal reflections narrate lived experiences, illuminating cultural conversations examining pivotal themes shaping modern discourse.
Reflecting on generational shifts accentuates awareness of cultural influences affecting identities—do these observations shape current narrative journeys?
Analysis reveals cultural constructs significantly mold personal and communal narratives, emphasizing inquiries into evolving gender roles influencing contemporary narrative explorations.
Reimagining prevailing narratives through progressive reinterpretation elucidates shifting paradigms constructing modern identities—integrating explorations across multifaceted dialogues enriches collective narratives, advancing cultural understanding.
